Field Day

It is her first field day. It is her last in kindergarten. She couldn't sleep last night as her excitement overtook her sleepy dreams. She came down stairs twice. Once to go over the five things that we must do prior to going to school. Second to get a drink of water and to review the five things we must do prior to going to school. Her choice for lunch at field day is hot dogs. Grilled. Plain. We must fill her belly so she won't be hungry. "I need a big breakfast today," she says with a grin and a nod of her head, "there won't be any snack today".

Sadly, the weather isn't better. But she will be wearing a white shirt, with her hair up, name on her water bottle and sun screen applied. Despite the dismal weather I have a feeling she will have an absolutely wonderful first field day.

Have fun Oldest!

Anxiety attack

Every week we are short on cash. E V E R Y week. And I can't stand it any longer. It is a difficult place to be week after week. As you can imagine one can never get ahead. You can try and try and try but after while you just want to curl up into the fetal position and bury your head. A very mature reaction, I know.

I guess what frustrates me the most is the lack of urgency. I have a lack of urgency, KD does not. We are just built differently. He is seemingly in effected about the entire situation where I just get hysterical. It is a good balance, overall, but only if there was a plan or action. There is none. I take action or try to plan. But to no avail. That results in circles. Like a one oared boat.

I am not blameless in this situation, on the contrary. I buy lunch out because I am disorganized and never plan lunches. That would save at least $35 per week or $140 a month. Not insignificant.

KD got paid last week, but we were in the hole, so we only have 63% of his check until next week. And next week it will be the same story. The mortgage comes out on Thursday. That takes up a little more than 50% of my check. So if we are in the hole come Thursday, then my check will 50% + whatever the hole is less than the full 100%. We have a weekly day care bill that must be paid. No matter what. Today is Sunday and I can say, with certainty, that we will be in the hole come pay day this week too.

And begin again.

When I am in one of my hysterical moments, KD reminds me of where we were a year ago and then two years ago. While I agree that we are better from those times, it doesn't give me the hope that we will one day be out of this vicious cycle.

The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect different results! Well then it appears that I am I N S A N E.

It is a train wreck

Jon and Kate plus 8 has been one of my must watch shows, but recently with the new season, I cannot stomach it. Typically I can't look away from a good ol' train wreck, but this I have to look away.

To watch the edited version of a disintegrating marriage is just too much for me. Additionally I was shopping yesterday and saw Jon on the cover of People and Kate on the cover of Us. KD quickly pointed out that perhaps she should be on the cover of ME.