Monday, March 7, 2011

Tiger Mother would not stand for this

Jeremy works, his second job, at least one day on the weekend.  A week after I was put on bed rest I suggested to him that perhaps we need for him to be home, if I plan to actually rest.  So he stopped working as much and then completely a few weeks before Eliot was born.  He did not work consistently when I was on maternity leave, only two days, I believe.  It was a wonderful time for all of us.  We got to know our new family of 6.  But when I went back to work in January, his work also picked up.  So sometimes I have 4 children all to myself.  Since I have been back to work, we have been working on Project Independence.

Now please note that I had three children in three years.  When I brought Oliver home from the hospital, I had three in diapers.  It is much more manageable when you have to get everyone juice, clothes, change diapers, etc.  But when three out of your four children are completely able bodied and unwilling to be independent, it sucks.  I, of course, am to blame for their dependency.  It was so much easier for me to do everything for them so I could get out the door to the baby sitter's.  But now?  Now, I have children who can actually get themselves dressed, but yet, scream that they can't find their clothes, etc..  Fill in the blank here. 

And now?  I have a screaming infant who is dependent. 

I have to get their clothes out because they are hanging in cubies very high up.  I have to get them juice because I have a fridge that is on the top and the freezer on the bottom.  I do not now get them actually into their clothes, so there is progress. 

So yesterday, I was a single mother.  We started our day at 5:30 a.m.  So when my sister arrived at 11:30, my voice was hoarse.  From yelling.  Seriously?  They are helpless and have hearing problems?   I believe that Jeremy and I try hard to raise our children to have respect, to be responsible and dare I say, independence.

Sometimes I don't think I am doing enough.  Sometimes I wish I was a Tiger Mother.

Perhaps not a true Tiger Mother, but a little softer.  Just not as soft as I am.  But perhaps my expectations are just too low.  Regardless, we need a little Western parenting philosophy infused, here in our home.  At least in my opinion.

But how?

Screaming doesn't work. At all.

I don't want encourage them with money.  I suppose I need to set high expectations.  For example, on school days, no t.v. until XYand Z are done.  On the days that I am home alone, I will set expections for whatever it is that I need. 

Who knows, it is the ride of our lives, isn't it?

1 comment:

comingaroundagain said...

I find each kid has a different lever. With the older it used to be the removal of a favorite toy, and now it's the threat of an X, which means the loss of 25 cents from his weekly allowance. With the younger one, I count to 3 in a stern voice and then she knows I mean business. The naughty step is the final recourse.