Love, Sorrow and Joy

To say that my heart was shattered when Jeremy died would be an understatement, to say that it was shattered exponentially knowing that my children would grow up without their dad, would also be an understatement.

Let me just tell you about Jeremy.  He was one of the most patient men I have ever met, his parenting was patient and kind.  Not without frustration nor exasperation, but he was patient.  His skills as a teacher made him so good at explaining everything to the kids.  He was one who emoted, not overtly nor openly, but he felt feelings.  He cried as each of our children were born, he held them and loved them hard.  He was truly the best dad, ever.  His parenting is so missed by me, obviously, but by the kids.  The saddest part of all of this is that they didn't get him for long, we were ripped off.  And because of that, their lives will be different than either myself or Jeremy ever imagined.  Like EVER.

When Jeremy died, my sister found grief/bereavement resources for myself and the kids.  I have said from the beginning, I KNOW I will be ok, but my kids...my kids hearts...their souls...their lives.  I do everything I can to normalize our experience, to show them other people, other children who have experienced what they have.  To know other kids who have lost a parent provides normalcy.

We have attended Jeff's Place Bereavement Center in Framingham from seven weeks after Jeremy died.  I have a ridiculously awesome community of fellow bereaved humans, we laugh a lot.  We get it.  We really REALLY get it.  And my kids have this special place where they speak about their dad, twice a month.  They speak about their dad without awkward pauses or glances.  It isn't the elephant in the room here, it is life and it is love and it is safe.  Recently we went to the beach with a dear friend whose husband passed away in March.  My son was asking her daughter if a lot of people were at their house after her dad died.  Did a lot of people bring food over after their dad died.  It was the sweetest thing I have heard in a long time.  My heart swelled and sank at the same time.  And yet, this is life.  No one gets out unscathed.

This past week my three oldest children each attended grief camps.  My oldest, attended Circle Camp, in Maine.  My middle two attended Experience Camps, also in Maine.

Circle Camp is just for girls, my oldest said she didn't want to go, but I reminded her that this is not negotiable.  She went.  She had a great time!  She spent the week with other girls who had, for the most part, lost a dad.  She went swimming, she swam across the entire lake!  She talked about her dad.  She supported other girls, did team building events.  Wants to be a CIT next year.  More exposure to other girls who have had a loss.  Win!


Experience Camps, ManEx, is just for boys.  The end result was fantastic!  They were active, tried new foods, talked, laughed, and spent a lot of time with other boys!  They played hard and they slept hard.  They supported other campers, they talked about their dad in a safe and loving place.  Thought they attended together, they were not in the same groups.  They had different bunks, different teams, different tables in the dining hall.  But they had each other.  And a pudding slide, bananna boats, scavenger hunts, hand ball, gaga pits, basketball, swimming...a dream experience.  Supported by clinicians and LITs, it truly is a magical experience for the boys.  Truly.

My heart and soul are content, knowing how much my children have connected with other children.  I would take my husband back in a nano second, but if we have to suffer this unimaginable loss, we will do it with a wonderful loving supportive community.