The driveway?

After a sun soaked day yesterday at the beach, we are taking things easy today. Hanging about the house, "surfing" in our wading pool, grazing and watching t.v. Just the kind of day we need. Or at least I need.

There exists a correlation between Middle's dietary habits and his behavior. Which is really not his fault, as I am in charge of his food selection.

This morning I took them for munchkins, 6 each. The people at DD were more than accommodating of my request for 3 bags with 6 of varying flavors per kid per bag. Then we headed up to a yard/barn/moving sale.

My pockets were full of ones and I am always on the look out for something for our house but never actually go looking for stuff, so I thought this is my chance. They finished their munchkins way before arriving to our destination. As we drove up the long driveway I told them that they were to stay in the car, as they were still in their pajamas and I would be back. I scored some quality items that I had seen in one of my country home magazines, on the cheap and we headed home.

Oldest requested time on the computer, of course. Baby wanted to help me as I removed something one of my purchases, "Of course," I said, as he changed his clothes. Middle was in time out for hitting his sister and then refused to cooperate with getting dressed. I told him we would be delighted for him to join us as soon as he got himself dressed. He, instead set about hitting and throwing anything and everything he could put his hands on. We were all outside and I had decided that if he is going continue to break things as a way to get my attention when in time out, I will ignore him. We don't own anything that is so precious that can't be replaced so have at it, Middle.

Baby and I were working on our project when he emerged, still in his pajamas, screaming that he wanted me to help him get dressed. After I was able to get him calmed down and take some deep breaths, it hit me. He really and truly can't eat crap. I have suspected this for some time, but over the past day or so his diet has been less than desirable. He was a total maniac at the beach yesterday and at Papa's house last night? I was embarrassed by his behavior.

I helped him get dressed and we played in the back yard. He jumped on his surf board and got soaked! He asked to get changed and was dancing around. I asked if he needed to go to the bathroom, he denied any need. Once we got his wet clothes off of him he asked if he could put his bathing suit on. "Sure love, it is on the driveway. If you need to go tinkles please water the grass," I said. He returned after some time wearing his bathing suit and when he did I inquired if he went tinkles. "Yes," he responded. "Did you poop?" "Yes," he responded. "Did you wipe your bum?" "Yes," he responded. "Hmmmmm," I thought.

Promptly after this exchange, Baby jumped in the pool with his clothes and asked for his bathing suit. I stripped him of his sopping wet diaper and headed toward the driveway to retrieve his bathing suit. As I approached the pile of beach stuff strewn about the driveway I noticed something that looked like a pine cone. "Weird," I thought, "We don't have any pine trees over the driveway." When I got closer I realized that it was most certainly NOT a pine cone.

Middle did his business on the D R I V E W A Y. We are fine with nature tinkling and in fact encourage him to water trees and grass when we are outside and he is wiggling around holding himself. But pooping? Yeah, not so much.

Disgusting Cat Chronicles

We still have the cat. This morning I noticed an unmistakable odor of cat. So I hunted around and found the offending pile of POOP. Gagging all the way through, I cleaned it up. Vowed to let the cat out and not ever let it back in. I'm a big talker! Typically we put the cat out when we go to work and at night, if it isn't too cold we put him in the barn, from whence he came. If it is too cold he stays in the breeze way. When we go to work, I put him out. But this morning, he fought me! UGH! The kids are in the car, the car is running I have to deal with this freakin' cat! So I filled a wash basin with baking soda, put it over in the area I had discovered the grossness, put out more food and closed him in the breeze way. Oh the place where I discovered the grossness? That would be the place between the wall and the dryer, a nice small space and in order to clean it I had to wedge myself in there, stepping in cat pee. I stepped in cat pee fully dressed, sans shoes in the only pair of brown socks I have. I was not a happy camper this morning!

I dropped the kids at the baby sitter's, went straight to Target and bought a Poop Cave, aka, litter box. The Poop Cave has been installed and we hope that the Kitty gets the idea. The kids introduced Kitty to the Poop Cave, in their typical smothering fashion.

After we rescued Kitty from the kids and ushered them away, King Daddy looked at me lovingly and said, "How did we get here?!!"

UPDATE: 8:47 pm - Good Kitty! He used the litter box! It worked, it worked!! YEAH!! Wait, who cleans the litter box?

S C A T O L O G Y

Bathroom humor. Potty talk. POOP talk. Whatever your vernacular, if you have children you know of what I speak. And this language is huge in our house these days. Middle just likes to say "Butt." He dissolves into giggles and says it at every opportunity. I think mostly because it makes Oldest laugh. But the problem is, it makes me laugh too. I prefer to refer to the passing of gas, as just that. I find the slang for that so offensive I can't even type it. Oh and this brings me a cum-pleet nonsequitur but was hilarious none the less.

I was instant messaging with one of my coworkers today. He and I have been working tirelessly on this seemingly unending project. I IM'ed just one word, "fuck." His response was, "Nice mouth". His follow up to that was "Do you kiss your Mother with those fingers?" I WAS DYING! It was h i l a r i o u s!

Anyway, sorry for that interruption. Where was I? Oh yes POOP. Growing up my siblings and I were totally into it. And sadly, some would say, we are still into it. When the five of us are together it is inevitable and the laughter cannot be stopped. So it is hard not to laugh.

King Daddy, however, is not as schooled in the ways of bathroom talk as I. And so it was 7 years ago when he began working with my brother that his initiation began. And today you ask? He is a champion. In fact he composed a little diddy for the kids. It is to the tune of the Tin Man's song from Wizard of Oz, you know the one, "If I only had a heart..." His version goes like this:

"I will poop away the hours

and wipe my bum with flowers

if I only had a bum..."

My my Dear Reader, how far the mighty have fallen.

p.s. It is the 4th night of Hanukkah and Oldest has recited the Pledge of Allegiance every night. Precious!