I was engaged in March and married in October. My lovely wedding shower was in August. It was beautiful. My sister put together an elegant party and was a gracious host. I found an album which would house memories of that special day for any future children. I was making wonderful progress with the obsession of proper chronological order, when I called it a night.
The next morning I performed my morning routine and headed to the train station to catch the 7:50 a.m. train. I am sure I thought all about the thank you notes that I needed to finish writing and what last minute details I need to attend to for the impending nuptials. I know I had a deadline to meet at work and I am sure I was thinking of that too. I walked from the train station to my office, it was neither cold or hot that day, it was just a day. A day that moved me closer to marrying KD.
I sat at my desk feeling frustrated. I was trying to get something to work or was waiting for something from someone, I don't quite recall what caused my frustration, but I am sure frustration was the feeling.
The configurations of our cubes was odd, we were outgrowing the space. My co worker's cube was against a wall in a hall and my cube was diagonally across from hers. I had my back to the foot traffic.
I was so focused on my frustration that I ignored the first tale. Then someone else said it. I envisioned a small prop plane. Then roughly 1/2 an hour later someone said there was another crash. Then another.
My feeling of frustration turned to terror. Not the primal kind of terror I felt on that day in May so many years ago, but the kind of terror that rocks your sense of the normal, mundane and expected. Leaving you feeling bewildered, confused and unsafe.
My office was downtown, in the Financial District, which was evacuated. We heard that the trains/subways were not running. After a couple hours or so, I was sitting with my best friend at her kitchen table. We watched in horror. Neither KD or I had a cell phone. I didn't reach him until much later.
The days that followed were such a blur. I had a very very difficult time going back into the city for work. I was nervous and skiddish, I had a long talk with my boss about my mental health. I soldiered on, but it did take a few days for me to snap out of my nervous stupor. Luckily I had the wedding. I stopped watching the news and reading the paper. I focused on the joyful life coming soon.
The day arrived. I snuck out of the house and went to the store to gather breakfast food. I heard a song from Tina Turner (Simply the Best), called the DJ and asked him to play it for KD. I made a delicious breakfast for my guests. We went to get my hair done. We gathered all of the extraneous and miscellaneous and headed to the venue.
It was glorious. Truly the best party that I have ever hosted or been a part of. They all tried very hard to keep it from me, knowing how fragile I had been in the previous weeks. I love them all for trying to shield me from the news that the US had begun bombing Afghanistan.
Eight years later and I still cry thinking about it, so instead of thinking or talking, I do what I have done since 2002, I light a candle on the front porch.