I am awake

I don't want to be awake, but I am.  After I delivered W and we came home as a family, J and I switched sides of the bed.  His side of the bed had no wall, just wide open real estate in which to put a cradle and a car seat.  But the benefit of that switch?  The kids, er, I mean M, went to my former side of the bed, which, at that time was his side of the bed for any sort of middle of the night need.  And although she was only 18 mos and still in a crib, which means she was not remove herself from her crib and walk around at night, but the sleeping arrangements remained that way until after O was born.  And by that time?  She was three.  The most frequent offender of getting up in the middle of the night or coming into our bed to sleep? 

Does things like this when no one is paying attention to the fact that he is being quiet.

Always sleeps in the car.

Always has remnants of a good meal around his mouth.

But tonight, I was awakened by someone else.  Someone who came looking for a drink.  When that person really should have been doing this:

But now, the thoughts come flooding into my non-sleeping mind of all the things I must attend to or fix.  The thoughts come rushing in about the what ifs.  What if we owed no money to anyone and every single dime we earned was ours to do with as we please?  Would I be able to quit my job?  Could we live on J's income?  I don't know the answer to that, but I do know this.  We are in the proces of real change.  And the possibilities of what could be are exciting enough to keep me awake at night.