Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Oldest


Something is going on with Oldest. Since Thursday last she has had four episodes, for lack of a better term, the fourth occurring today at school.


Last Thursday it happened while at the doctor's office. She asked me what a picture was on the wall. After I examined the picture and turned back to explain to her that it was a cartoon of a germ, she was face down on the exam table with her face buried in her hands. She was hysterical and refused to open her eyes or let me put her down. She claimed to be tired. I had to lift her face so the doctor could examine her. I had to carry her out of the building. When I inquired what happened she again said, "I am tired."


Sunday while we were at church waiting for our turn to process to the altar to receive communion she buried her face in my lap, refusing to par take in communion. When I asked her what was wrong her response was, "I am tired. Are we going home now?" There was another parishioner two rows ahead of us with a large port wine stain on her face. Did this cause her discomfort? She wouldn't acknowledge me when I inquired, "I'm tired," she said again.


Last night she told me that she was going upstairs to go potty. Not her usual practice. I scanned the downstairs bathroom looking for offending items and didn't find any. Upon her return downstairs I said, "I know why you like to use the bathroom upstairs, you like the smell of the soap!" When I began my declaration her hands flew up and she stuck her fingers in her ears. When it was time to brush teeth she stood in the doorway of the bathroom. Wanting to see if she would step in further I held her toothbrush so that she would have to come into the bathroom to retrieve it. She retreated to just outside the bathroom and covered her head with her blankie. I scanned the bathroom again and noticed a magazine open to a page with a picture of a dragon fly. I closed the magazine and told her it was all gone. She was happy as a lark.


I picked her up from school today. Usually her teacher stands at the door and lets the kids come out when she sees the parent. Today, however, I noticed she was wearing shorts that she didn't wear to school and her teacher kept on walking. Hmmm. Ms. J reported to me that she had an accident in the bathroom. AND that she really really missed me today. She was hysterical at school tears and all. When asked what was wrong she told her teachers, "I'm tired. I didn't get enough sleep last night. I miss mom." I shared all that I am sharing here with Ms. J. It provided her with some insight but she doesn't know what, if anything, precipitated this episode. She was her usual chatter box on the way to her friends house.


We spent the evening together and she was her usual loving, curious, funny, articulate self. What lies beneath that she can't tell me, I don't know. What does she fear? Can she not express what she fears? Is she afraid that I will belittle her fear? Is she embarrassed of her feelings?


For now we will just watch and wait. We will continue to provide her a safe place for her to share when she is ready and we will comfort her when she is scared.

9 comments:

HRH said...

That is a puzzling one. You are good to have picked up the links between the incidents.

Sue said...

Hmmm, my oldest plays the "tired" card a lot. It's always when she is avoiding feelings. Do they believe that they get out of things by saying that they are tired? Keep putting the pieces together and you will figure it out.

Impoverished Preppy said...

Hope you get to the bottom of this... can imagine how frustrating it must be. Is it possible that she has a urinary tract infection and is scared to pee because it hurts?

Misty said...

oh wow... this is a lot... A heavy mommy burden. I hope, for everyone's sake, you are able to get to the root of this soon! Bless her heart...

scargosun said...

Wow that is tough. I feel tired when I am confused or frustrated. Maybe she's been having bad dreams and doesn't know how to explain them. This would 1. make her tired and 2. make her question her reality...which is confusing.

Muffy Willowbrook said...

Scargosun has a point - but how does that explain the accident at school?

Very puzzling. I hope it all works out okay. Good Luck.

tiff said...

Hugs.
It's so hard when you know there is something not right but you can't put your finger on it. You are doing the best thing for Oldest, providing her a safe place so she can be open if she wants to be. Biggest of hugs to you though, I can palpate your worry in your words.

Self Confessed Lamp Tramp said...

I'm in tears reading your post. So hard to know what goes on in their little minds. The wonderful thing is ... you are so in tune with what's going on with your daughter. Keep us posted.

so tired said...

This is tough. Because you don't want it to develop into a pattern. You don't want her to become an adult that can't express herself and internalizes her feelings.

Does King Daddy get anywhere talking to her. Or maybe a grandparent? Maybe she needs a fresh set of ears.

Any chance she feels bad about doing something she considers really bad? And is afraid to confess it to you?